


The Battle Within

by felineranger



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-11-15
Updated: 2004-11-14
Packaged: 2017-10-07 06:14:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felineranger/pseuds/felineranger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three words. Rimmer's lust monster...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The Battle Within

 

Disclaimer: I know, I know. I don't own them. Don't sue me.

 

 

Arnold Rimmer stood in his cramped sleeping quarters on Starbug, staring into the mirror before him with a solemn expression. His hard light image had projected dark circles under his eyes. Although holograms didn't technically need to sleep, it was possible for them to; and it was a sensation Rimmer quite enjoyed. He hadn't slept well the past few weeks. The dark circles seemed to be the light bee's way of reflecting his internal mood more than any physical problem. He felt exhausted and more than a little depressed.

Receiving the hard light drive from Legion had initially seemed like a dream come true. It took him that step closer to feeling complete again, to feeling like a person instead of a ghost. It was only as time had passed that he had realised the awakening of his senses - his touch, taste and smell - while in some ways magical, had also reawakened some other feelings that weren't so wonderful. Feelings that he had tried to bury long ago. He had realised that it had granted only a part of his dream and had highlighted more than ever the part of it he could never ever have.

He sat down on Lister's bunk and ran his hand lightly over the blankets, brushing away some crumbs as he did so. After the accident, he and Lister had inevitably become closer. They had no-one else, after all. Lister had become his only companion, his confidante and the best friend he'd ever – or rather never – had in his life. And over time, he'd also slowly become the object of Rimmer's fantasies. They had started out as dreams; probably just as a reaction to their deepening friendship. Dreams of talking and laughing together, just having fun. But the dreams had changed. They'd become more intense, more intimate; evolving finally into explicit sexual fantasies that he had no control over. Rimmer had developed a crippling crush on his roommate.

He'd squashed the feelings. Beaten them down mercilessly and buried them under the garden patio of his mind. It had been pointless to try and do anything else. Even if he'd had the courage to act on his desires, even if Lister had reciprocated, Rimmer was a hologram. And holograms and humans couldn't touch.

Only now, thanks to Legion, they could. Which was causing havoc with Rimmer's emotions.

He lay down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. It was too late to change things now. How could he find a way to broach the subject when he'd fought against it himself for so long? How could he even think of dredging this ugly mess up when they'd lived together as friends all these years? He couldn't. It was as simple as that. He'd fought it once; he could fight it again. And he would have to.

At that point, Lister himself stuck his head through the door. "Hey," he said, then blinked in surprise, "How come you're on my bunk?"

"Sorry," Rimmer sat up weakly, "I just flopped down. Wasn't thinking."

Lister shrugged amiably, "Meh. Doesn't bother me. Just thought you wouldn't have liked the toast crumbs, that's all. Listen, the port engine's making a weird kind of rattly noise. I think I should go check it out. Can you come give me a hand?"

"Sure," Rimmer stood up and followed him out.

They were only a little way down the corridor when the ship suddenly lurched violently to one side. They tumbled into the wall and fell in a heap, struggling to get to their feet as the ship swayed crazily beneath them. "I guess the engine packed up after all!" Lister yelled over the red alert siren that had started to howl.

"You think?" Rimmer yelled back, "What a brilliant deduction! A round of applause for Listy!"

"Look, leave off the sarcasm and get up will you? You're crushing my arm! We need to get to the cockpit; the guys are going to need us!" Staggering against the shifting floor, and hanging onto each other for balance, they managed to get to the cockpit and drop into their seats.

"We've got to try and land, Sirs!" Kryten shouted, "We'll never be able to fix the engine while we're airborne! It'd be like trying to hand-stitch one of the Cat's collar designs in an earthquake!"

"And you don't even wanna try that," Cat agreed earnestly.

"There's a small moon about thirty clicks away; looks like our best hope!" Rimmer yelled, scrutinising his screen.

"Copy that," Kryten agreed, "Scan reports mild climate and no signs of life. I think we should be safe. Let's take her down!"

Pitching madly from side to side like a ferry in choppy weather, Starbug descended through the clouds and juddered to a stop on the moon's surface. Lister looked up, his face slightly green; "That," he said weakly, "Was not very nice. I nearly threw up the vindaloo I had for tea."

"Thanks for sharing, bud," The Cat moved himself back slightly, just in case.

"What happened to the engine, Krytes?" Lister asked.

"The disruption seems to have been caused by a connection working loose," Kryten replied, tapping at his screen, "Should be easy enough to fix."

"Good. Well, let's get on with it then, and be on our way," Rimmer said briskly.

"If I may suggest, sir, it might be wise to have a look round here before we leave. If the climate is indeed temperate there is a chance we may find something edible growing in the area that we could stock up on; perhaps even take a cutting to grow our own supplies on board."

"Whatever," Lister shrugged, "Let's just do it in the morning, okay? It looks dark out there. I don't fancy going strawberry-picking with a torch. Come on," he stood up and stretched, "Let's see if we can get that engine fixed before bed."

 

As the crew slept, some time later, a dark shadow approached the ship. There was a short chime of metal and then the hatchway door hung open. The shadow slipped through and into the heart of Starbug. It followed its senses, an intuition leading it to what it wanted. If anyone had been awake, they might have heard the steady clunk of hooves striking the grated floor.

Lister and Rimmer did not awaken as the door to their quarters hummed open and something ducked through the hatchway. The shadow fell across Lister's bunk and for a moment, just a moment, he stirred. At the same time, Rimmer whimpered softly in his sleep across the room. The shadow hesitated, then wafted a vial of sweet-smelling oil beneath Lister's nose. Lister blinked awake, the sharp scent rousing him. He wrinkled his nose, "Hm...? Wha...?" But then the full force of the aroma hit him. It filled his head; it seemed to fill his entire world. "...fwoof..." he said softly, just before it knocked him out altogether.


	2. Chapter 2

"It doesn't make any sense!" Rimmer exclaimed, several hours later. "Why would he just disappear off without telling us? He would have left a note, a message – something!" Kryten seemed uncomfortable too, but was trying to be rational,

"I suppose it's possible Mister Lister could have just gone out for a stroll," he said hopefully. Rimmer and the Cat stared at him.

"Lister?" Rimmer said sceptically, "Exercising?"

"Ah. I see your point, sir."

"Anyway, it's still pitch black outside. It must not get light on this moon. He wouldn't have gone out in the dark."

"I can't think of any other explanation," Kryten shrugged helplessly, "He can't have been taken by force; there's nobody here except us!"

"Wait a minute!" Rimmer hit on an idea, "Why don't we use the scan to see where he is? If there're no other life-forms here it should be able to pinpoint him exactly!"

"Superlative thinking, Sir," Kryten beamed. They moved to the cockpit.

***

Lister awoke slowly, his head still spinning from his drug-induced sleep. He felt weak and slightly sick. What was going on? Had they been attacked? The scan had told them there weren't any life-forms on this moon; what had gone wrong?

He rolled over and realised he wasn't in his bed anymore. The surface beneath him felt hard and cold, but he was definitely indoors somewhere. The air was warm, dry and heavy with fragrant incense that made him dizzy.

He managed to get his eyes open and tried to focus on the swaying images before him. The first thing he realised was that he was naked, and lying on a kind of raised platform. An altar of sorts; drenched in crimson rose petals. He swallowed hard. He didn't have a good feeling about this.

Looking about himself, he saw he was in a cavernous chamber, constructed of red marble and lined with huge flickering torches. The overall effect was of being at the centre of a ball of flame. And then he saw, standing a little way away, so still he almost hadn't noticed at all, there was someone – or more accurately some_thing_ – watching him.

***

The droid sat down at his workstation and fired up the scan, "This should just take a moment, sirs. The results should be back fairly sharpish and...aha! Here we go!"

"So where is he?" the Cat asked.

"Well, I, er..." Kryten's expression changed. Suddenly he looked tense.

"What is it?" Rimmer demanded anxiously.

"I don't think the scanner can pinpoint him, sir."

"That's ridiculous!" Rimmer felt his heart starting to thump, "He must be out there! There's no way he could have left the entire moon! Search again!"

"You don't understand, sir," Kryten looked up, "It's not that I can't get a reading on the scan. It's that I'm getting too many."

"What?" Rimmer was confused.

"Somehow...it seems that life has sprung up on this planet overnight. Quite a lot of it."

"How is that possible?"

"I'm not sure," Kryten looked bewildered. Suddenly, they all looked up as the same thought hit them. "Could they have got in here?" Rimmer asked quietly. They ran to the airlock. The outside seal was gone; broken open and scored with what looked horribly like claw marks. Something had forced its way onto Starbug last night while they slept. And it had taken Lister.

***

"This can't really be happening," Lister murmured drowsily, as it crossed the room, stalking towards him like a demon. "You can't be real."

_"I am as real as I need to be."_

"But you're...you're..." He looked harder at the creature that towered before him; trying to work out what he was seeing. It was - superficially at least - like a man, but huge and utterly and unselfconsciously naked. It didn't look like it ever had, or had ever been meant to, wear clothes. Its cock stood up like a monolith, breathtaking in its sheer size. For some reason, Lister was reminded vaguely of a Minotaur; and indeed, the size of its massive shoulders would have rivalled a full-grown bull's. There was something animalistic in the legs as well, the haunches slightly too long and powerful to be entirely human, and...it had hooves. Its skin was constantly changing colour; flickering hues of red, orange, yellow and even the occasional flash of blue moved across it as though it were lit from within by dancing flames. And strangest of all, its face was the face of someone he knew. Someone very familiar...

"This isn't possible," he insisted weakly and tried to sit up. Something yanked hard at his throat and he stopped short, confused. _"Anything is possible here,"_ the creature told him, and now he could even recognise the voice; deeper and more sinister but ultimately unmistakable. He reached up tentatively and his fingertips discovered a golden collar locked around his throat, attached by long fine chains to the altar he lay on. Delicate though they looked, they were obviously very strong. He couldn't break them.

"Who are you?" he asked softly, feeling the first real twinges of fear.

_"Do you really not know? Can you not guess?"_

"Your face...and your voice...They're like him, but you're not him...I don't..."

_"Perhaps I should not be surprised. You have lived with me day after day for years and never seen me. Fed me and nurtured me without ever recognising me. Before you I was a tiny sickly thing, starved and denied. But you changed all that. You shaped me and bred me into the mighty force you see before you now."_

"I don't understand," Lister whispered.

_"That is of no consequence now."_

"I must be dreaming," he whispered to himself; closing his heavy eyes and sinking back down defeated amongst the petals.

_"No. This is my dream. This has been my dream for a very long time..."_


	3. Chapter 3

Rimmer, Kryten and Cat crept out of Starbug hugging bazookoids. They looked around themselves furtively. In the near distance they could see the flicker of torches and thatched rooftops protruding through the trees. "Those weren't here when we landed," Rimmer said; and then wondered why he was whispering.

"No," Kryten agreed, "Curious. It's almost as though our very presence here has triggered some kind of...." He paused suddenly.

"What?" the Cat asked suspiciously.

"Oh. Oh my," Kryten turned to look at Rimmer, "We've been in a situation like this before, haven't we, Sir? I should have realised sooner."

"You mean it's a...?" Rimmer asked fearfully.

"I'm afraid so," Kryten said dismally.

"What are you talking about?" the Cat asked indignantly.

"It's a psi-moon," Rimmer told him glumly.

The Cat frowned briefly while he trawled through his memory. It clicked. "Oh, God, not again!" he moaned.

"This one must have terraformed to reflect Mister Lister," Kryten concluded.

"Well," the Cat ventured, "Maybe that's not so bad. At least he's not screwed-up in the head like Goal-post head here."

"Well, that is a bonus," Kryten agreed, ignoring Rimmer's glare, "But nonetheless, something has taken him."

"What would be the driving force of Lister's psyche?" Rimmer pondered, directing the conversation away from his mental problems.

"The need for curry?" Cat suggested. His eyes widened suddenly; "Perhaps it was his sense of personal hygiene! It must be pretty mad at him!"

"I suggest we take a closer look," Kryten said, "Perhaps we'll find more clues as we go."

They found a clue alright. At the entrance to the village, they found a large gold statue of Lister, glinting in the torchlight. "Well, I guess that clinches it," Kryten remarked. Cat eyed the statue, "Old gerbil-face certainly thinks a lot of himself," he remarked disdainfully. Rimmer didn't even bother to point out the outrageous hypocrisy in that sentence. Anyway, he'd seen Lister naked – had inhabited his body for a short while – and he was aware that the statue was actually pretty accurate in its...dimensions. That wasn't what bothered him about the figure.

What bothered him was the fact that the statue's pose was an exact freeze-frame from a very memorable dream that he himself had once had. Which brought him to the crashing, and - rather awful – conclusion, that this wasn't Lister's psi-moon at all.

 

It was his.

 

He whirled around to face the others. "Look," he said rapidly, "I've made a decision. I think I should go on ahead to find Lister while you two fix up the ship." Not surprisingly, the pair looked shocked.

"Are you actually offering to carry on alone, Sir?" Kryten asked, dumbstruck.

"I know it sounds odd," Rimmer admitted, "But let's face it; I've known Lister for longer than either of you and well...I've got a sneaking suspicion of where he might be."

"We could still come with you, Sir," Kryten argued, "You might need our help!"

"Don't you remember what happened last time?" Rimmer pointed out. He had to stop them coming any further; he couldn't risk them realising the truth! "We hung about talking and nearly didn't get away at all! It would be better if the ship was fixed up and ready to go as soon as I got back with Lister, so we can take off straight away without stopping to fix the door! Otherwise God knows what could happen if we wait too long!"

"Well that is true," Kryten conceded with some reluctance; "But you don't know what could be out there!"

Rimmer looked out into the darkness. He knew better than they did what could be lurking in those shadows; and part of him was afraid. He hadn't ever forgotten his self-loathing beast or the black-cowled figures that had spirited him away. But obviously something had changed around here, or they would have made an appearance by now. And underneath the fear there was something else. Something calling to him, pulling him...

"I'm not sure why," he said slowly, "But somehow I just have this feeling that we're not in any real danger here. And neither is he." _At least I hope so,_ he thought desperately. He looked at Kryten, "You know me. I wouldn't be going if I thought it was dangerous."

"Well," Kryten looked around and back up at the golden statue, "I do have faith in Mister Lister's psyche." Rimmer breathed a soft sigh of relief,

"So do I." _I just wish I could have faith in my own..._


	4. Chapter 4

Rimmer dashed on through the torch-lit woods, keeping a tight hold of his bazookoid. He was becoming more and more worried at what he saw. He'd meant it when he'd said to Kryten that he didn't think Lister was in any danger, because, logically, as this was his psi-moon, Lister ought to be safe because Rimmer knew that he wouldn't hurt him. But then he'd found the other statues.

Rimmer was aware of his problems; well, most of them anyway. He knew that he was a control freak and that he had power issues. So he'd never been all that confused about why his sexual fantasies sometimes ran to the...aggressive side. He worked out his frustrations as S&amp;M scenarios in his head. It seemed a simple enough equation; not anything to worry about. Until your psyche took physical form that was.

He'd discovered more statues at regular intervals along his path, and they were all things that he'd dreamed of at one time or another, but he had noticed that they became more extreme as he went. He was starting to feel very nervous. The best scenario he could hope for, he supposed, was that they would have taken Lister somewhere nice and would be treating him like a god or something. The worst-case scenario he couldn't even bring himself to think about. He hadn't forgotten about the claw marks on the destroyed door. Either way, Kryten and Cat might have seen little enough to be fooled by Rimmer's explanation but the chances were that Lister would have seen enough to have worked this out by now. Which meant that whatever had happened to him in this place, Rimmer was going to have a very tough – and embarrassing – job explaining all this to him.


	5. Chapter 5

After a little while, the path ahead of him began to widen. There was obviously something up ahead. He checked the battery level on the bazookoid and proceeded cautiously. The trees were starting to thin out and it looked as if there was a clearing not far away. He pressed through the undergrowth, keeping to the shadows until he knew for certain that he was alone.

Finally, he peered out from his hiding place and his breath caught in his throat. There was a clearing all right. And in the centre of it was a gargantuan red temple that looked about the size of the Taj Mahal. God, his mind was a weird place. Surrounding the temple were the various elements of Rimmer's personality; a host of cloaked figures and among them a scattering of swordsman in feather-plumed hats – the good and bad points of his self. Normally they would be fighting but on this occasion they were all gathered around together, their eyes fixed on the temple. Rimmer swallowed hard and crept out, trying to look inconspicuous.

He tapped his self-esteem on the shoulder awkwardly, "Erm, excuse me? What exactly is going on around here? What are you all waiting for?" The figure turned to him and smiled beautifically, "You mean you don't know?"

"No," Rimmer said, "Sorry, but I only just got here and I'm a bit confused..."

"The beast is going to feed! It has happened only twice before and it is always a time of great joy in the land!"

"The beast?" Rimmer said weakly.

"It is indeed a blessing," his self-esteem told him earnestly, "Rarely has the beast been sated; and its frustration and anguish effect us all," he gestured to the large turn-out. "When the beast is hungry we all suffer; and the past few weeks it has been in a terrible fury. Worse than many can ever remember."

"And..er...this beast," Rimmer prodded anxiously, "This would be my self-loathing beast, would it?"

"What?" his self-esteem stared at him, "Of course not! He retired almost a year ago! These days he just sits in his hut muttering and shouting at passers-by. Occasionally he comes out and has a bit of a rant in the village square, but we generally just give him a cup of tea and send him back home, poor thing."

"Oh," Rimmer said, surprised and slightly pleased by the news. "So what is the...?"

Suddenly there was an ear-splitting roar from inside the temple. Rimmer felt his insides turn to runny ice at the sound and he started shaking. A sigh went up from the crowd. "At last," his self-esteem whispered with a shiver of delight.

"What's happening?" Rimmer demanded.

"It has begun," his self-esteem said, "We have waited so long for this; all of us. We have waited so long for him..."

"Him?" Rimmer exclaimed, "You mean Lister?"

"Who else?" the figure looked bemused.

"Oh Christ!" Rimmer barged past him and ran towards the temple; pushing all the different aspects of his personality out of the way as he went.


	6. Chapter 6

Rimmer burst through the doors of the temple, his legs shaking like jelly. If this thing turned out to be anything like his Self-Loathing beast he wasn't sure what he'd do. Scary monsters weren't his thing; even if they were a weird part of his own mind. But then, the thought of something like that having Lister in its clutches made his blood curdle. He staggered forward and focused on a mighty pair of doors at the far end of the room. This had to be it. Lister...and whatever held him prisoner...were through those doors. He ran towards them, which was quite a difficult feat because his knees were knocking together.

The doors were hewn from thick, heavy wood; and, Rimmer guessed, about twelve feet high. Carved over every inch were nude, writhing figures; performing every sexual act that had ever drifted through Rimmer's conscious – and subconscious – mind. He threw his weight against them with no effect whatsoever. They didn't even rattle. He kicked at them and swore, but this, unsurprisingly, also had no effect. Only one thing for it then....He stood back, cocked the bazookoid and fired.

The explosion left his ears ringing. Sharp splinters of wood stung his face as the doors blew apart. Not even waiting for the smoke to clear, he charged through into the inner sanctum of the temple. And stopped dead in his tracks at the sight that met his eyes.

It was like running into the wettest dream and most hideous nightmare he'd ever had, all rolled into one. The darkest, most twisted fantasy he'd ever envisaged down in the pit of his soul. And then multiplying it by ten. Rimmer had never even imagined the depths of what lurked within his own mind, prowling the winding black paths of his desire. He was torn between a sudden, steel-hard erection and a paralysing urge to scream.

Before him was a low flight of torch-lined steps that led up to a stone altar drenched in blood-red rose petals. And lying naked on top of the altar, chained by a glinting gold collar around his throat, was Lister. And something else...

A beast. A giant hulking red beast that crouched above him. Its huge clawed hands grasped at Lister's bare thighs, lifting and caressing them as it went at him, its mighty back bowed with its thrusts, its head thrown back as it howled with pleasure. Lister writhed beneath it, powerless in its grip, his own soft cries echoing in the cavernous chamber; but Rimmer couldn't tell whether they were sounds of distress or delight. He didn't appear to be struggling - and his hands were free if he'd wanted to - but surely he couldn't be a willing participant in this? Even from here Rimmer could see the crimson trails of claw marks on his skin, the smears of blood across his thighs and buttocks, and Christ, look at the size of the thing...! It must be like being ravaged by a full-grown wildebeest! And even as Rimmer watched, the creature seemed to grow, both in stature and ferocity. It snarled viciously, and as its thrusts intensified, Lister let out a long keening cry that shocked Rimmer into action.

He aimed the bazookoid square at the creature's chest and fired. The impact of the shot threw the beast clear of both Lister and the altar; and it bellowed furiously. Seizing his chance, Rimmer dashed up the steps to his crew-mate.

Lister was semi-conscious, his breathing weak and shallow. Rimmer could see the flowers beneath him were wet and sticky with blood, but their rich colour made it impossible to tell how much. He couldn't tell how badly he was hurt, or where. He ran his hands over his body, trying to work out how deep the scratch marks were and if he was injured anywhere else, but it wasn't easy to think straight when a traitorous part of his brain could only focus on the fact that this was just about his ultimate fantasy; having Lister chained up naked and helpless in his power.

He caught a glimpse of movement out of the corner of his eye. The monster was pulling itself back up onto its feet. They didn't have much time. Rimmer gave him a gentle, but rather panicky shake; "Lister! Lister, look at me!" He saw his eyes open briefly, but they were drowsy and unfocused; there was no guarantee he even saw Rimmer in front of him. "Lister, please! We have to get you out of here! Please, try to wake up!" He grabbed the fine chains binding him to the altar and yanked them hard, expecting them to snap. They didn't. "Damn it!" He pulled again, but they held fast. He decided to try the collar instead, but it was no use. There didn't even seem to be a clasp; it was just a smooth band of gold fastened around his throat.

_"You cannot break the chains."_ Rimmer whirled round to face the beast. It was back on its feet, towering above him, apparently unmarked by the shot. For the first time, Rimmer got a good look at it; and his eyes widened in horror as he stared into his own face. Larger and redder, but undoubtedly his own. For the second time in his life, Arnold Rimmer had to face the reality that there were true monsters within his mind. "Let him go!" he demanded in a low voice. The beast just smiled, baring the slightest flash of sharp teeth. Rimmer's anger flared, "Hey! This is my mind and you're just another part of it, so you do what I say! You let him go!"

_"No."_

Rimmer seethed helplessly. The beast took two steps forward and he positioned himself between it and the altar. He wouldn't let it touch Lister, not again. _"You fail to see the basic flaw in this predicament,"_ the creature told him, _"As you say, I am a part of you. And as long as you want him, so do I. With every glance at him, every brush of your fingers against his skin, your desire grows – and so does my power. You cannot defeat me because deep inside there is a part of you that wants this...wants him...too much. Ultimately, your desire will destroy him."_

"No!" Rimmer shook his head, "No, I won't let it happen!"

_"You cannot stop it. It is beyond your control."_

"I don't believe you!"

_"You will see."_

The creature went to push him aside but he stood his ground. In one swift movement he had the bazookoid up and aimed at its head, "Don't you touch him," he hissed. _"Your weapon cannot harm me. You have already seen that."_

"It can inconvenience you though," Rimmer snarled.

_"Perhaps. But what will you do when you are out of shells? Throw the gun at me? Beat at me with your fists? You have lost. You lost before the fight even started."_

With one sweep of its arm it knocked Rimmer flying and he landed crumpled at the foot of the steps. _"And now..."_ He raised his head and saw it bent over Lister, one clawed hand possessively tracing its way down his body. _"Where were we?"_ It leaned down and kissed him on the mouth. Ignoring the pain, Rimmer dragged himself up onto his knees, "GET AWAY FROM HIM!"

The creature turned to him dismissively; _"You waste your time. It is over. He will be mine and there is nothing you can do to change it. It is time for you to give in. Accept it and be content with the pleasure you will derive from witnessing it. After all,"_ its eyes sparked wickedly, _"This is what I desire. And I am just another part of you."_ It leapt up upon the altar.

"NO!!!" Rimmer roared.

Suddenly there was an explosion of light in the centre of the room; so bright that for a few moments it whited out the whole chamber. Rimmer shielded his eyes and slowly began to make out a figure within the light. A tall, winged figure, dressed in gleaming golden armour. As he watched, astounded, it drew a glittering sword from the sheath by its side with a chime of singing steel, and charged at the creature hunched over Lister. The monster snarled and leapt at it and the two figures clashed. It was like watching a battle between fire and lightning. They spun and dove, dodged and weaved so fast that Rimmer could barely tell them apart. But then he heard a roar that could only have come from the beast and he saw it staggering backwards, away from the figure of light. There was a wound across its stomach and if he looked closely, Rimmer could make out a suggestion of blood on its opponent's sword.

Growling angrily, it spun to look at the still figure of Lister on the altar and as it did so the winged creature struck it another blow with the sword. That did it. With a spine-twisting howl of defeat, the beast turned and bolted from the room.

Silently, the figure sheathed its sword and went to the altar. It touched Lister's face tenderly, then looked up and beckoned to Rimmer. Staggering from the force of his fall and also from shock, Rimmer stood up and joined it. From a distance it was hard to make much out within the glowing aura of light surrounding it, but close to he could see very clearly. It was himself; or at least...another part of him, in the same way the beast had been. It had his face. "Bring me that tapestry, will you?" It requested gently, gesturing to a long red – rather obscene – hanging, on the near wall. Rimmer fetched it obediently, handed it over and watched as this other part of him carefully wrapped the cloth around Lister like a blanket, then reached down and snapped the gold collar from around his neck; as easily as breaking a biscuit in two. It lifted him up and passed him carefully over to Rimmer; "You will be alright getting back to your ship now," it told him softly.

"That...that thing," he managed to get out, "Did you kill it?"

The figure smiled and shook its head, "No. I just overpowered it. Believe me, you wouldn't have wanted it killed. It might not seem that way to you right now, but that was a very important part of you that you wouldn't want to be without. Perhaps you just need to control it a little better. You'll understand when you think about it."

"And...what part of me are you?" The figure raised its eyebrows, smiling,

"You can't guess?"

"No," Rimmer shook his head blankly. The figure didn't seem offended, it just laughed. "You will work it out," it told him, "Again, when you've had time to think. But I will give you a clue. I'm the only part of you that could have won the battle that just took place. I am the only part of you stronger than he was. It's just that strength was never tested until today."

It looked down at Lister and frowned slightly; "You need to take him back now. He is hurt and will need some medical attention. Quickly."

"But..."

"Quickly."

Rimmer started to back away, "Well, thank you for your help. I...er...Thank you," he repeated again lamely.

"Go," the figure said simply. Rimmer turned and hurried out with Lister still unconscious in his arms.


	7. Chapter 7

They did make it back to Starbug safely. Rimmer took Lister to the medi-bay on his own while the Cat and Kryten took off and got them clear of the zone. He didn't want them to see Lister's injuries. After gently cleaning his wounds, he put him under the healing lamp. With luck, he'd be better by the time Kryten came fussing around.

He sat nearby and watched him silently, trying to work out what had just happened. As far as he could tell, one of his negative emotions had taken Lister captive and one of his positive emotions had saved him, but what parts of his psyche had been responsible for the battle? Last time they were in a place like this, Rimmer's Self-Loathing had been the controlling force of his mind; but back then his Confidence and Self-Esteem had mounted a charge to vanquish it. But neither of the figures he'd seen today matched those emotions. They weren't black-cowled monsters or dashing cavaliers, they seemed more fundamental somehow. Almost like...dare he say it...demons and angels.

He played over it again and again in his head; what they'd done, the things they'd said. _As long as you want him, so do I...As your desire grows, so does my power..._

So, Rimmer reasoned, the demon had been a physical representation of his sexuality. It had been the embodiment of his desires; both his attraction to Lister and his...Well, he might as well face it...his slightly sadistic sexual leanings. That was why he had been unable to beat it by himself. He couldn't change the way he was wired up inside. He couldn't change what aroused him, what he found erotic. He couldn't stop wanting Lister.

So how had they escaped? What part of him had managed to fight back his raging libido? Was it his restraint? His sense of decency? His goodness? None of those things seemed quite right. He racked his brains. _I am the only part of you stronger than he was...Only that strength was never tested until today..._

The answer came to Rimmer like the breaking of a golden dawn over a dark horizon; slowly but inevitably spreading its light through his mind. The only thing that had been stronger than his arousal had been the urge – no, the need – to protect Lister. To save him. He had not wanted to fullfill this fantasy at the cost of Lister's suffering. He would not pay for his sexual gratification with Lister's life.

He loved him too much.

 

He stood up and went to Lister's bedside, watching over him. Yes, it all made sense now. His love for Lister had been stronger than anything else; and that was why it had been able to beat back his lust monster, why it had been able to snap the chains holding him prisoner. Why it had been able to let him go. He knelt down beside the bed and gently stroked Lister's hand. How could he ever explain this to him? How could he tell him he was responsible for what he'd just been through?

Lister's eyes flickered and suddenly he was awake; his eyes open and looking about. They settled on Rimmer. "Where am I?" he asked weakly. He seemed tired but fairly alert. The effects of the drugging must have been easing off.

"You're in the medi-bay," Rimmer told him softly, "You're okay."

"I had the weirdest dream," he whispered, "There was this creature in this temple...And it was you somehow. But you were there too and..." He stopped and frowned, as if struck by a sudden headache, "It was so confusing. I can't..."

"It's okay, Lister," Rimmer shushed him soothingly, "You had a hallucination, that's all. Something to do with that planet we landed on. But it's over now. We took off about half an hour ago. You're going to be just fine."

"It felt so real..." Lister said, his eyes troubled.

"Well, hallucinations are like that. Remember the Despair Squid? Don't worry yourself about it. You're safe and sound, that's the important thing. No harm done."

"Right. Okay," Lister said meekly, seeming too tired to argue. He closed his eyes and within moments was sound asleep again.

Rimmer sighed. He stood up and made his way out to the cockpit. Kryten looked up anxiously as he came in, "How's Mister Lister? Is he alright?"

"He's fine," Rimmer replied, "He's sleeping the whole thing off. He thinks it was all a hallucination; and – quite frankly – I think it might be best if we let him believe that."

"Why?" Kryten was surprised.

"Those psi-moons are really disturbing places. I don't know exactly what happened to him, he doesn't seem to be hurt, but it still doesn't sound pleasant. He said something about a creature and a temple...I just think it might be better for him to think of it all as a really screwed-up dream rather than face what it could all really mean."

"Perhaps you're right," Kryten agreed thoughtfully, "It must have all been very traumatic for him."

"Right," Rimmer agreed, trying not to let his relief show on his face, "It seems stupid to drag the whole thing out by psycho-analysing the experience. This way he can just put it behind him and move on. Agreed?"

"Agreed." Kryten nodded.

Rimmer wandered back to the medi-bay to watch over Lister. He felt sad, but also satisfied in a weird kind of way. At least he learned a few things from this whole debacle. He'd learned that it was possible for he – Arnold J Rimmer – to love someone. Despite all his failings, it was still possible for him to feel that for another person. And he'd also learned that no matter how much he wanted Lister, he could keep those feelings in check so long as he knew that it was the right thing to do. And for now that was the right thing to do. For now at least.


End file.
